“Passing” Pains

Should I go shopping dressed like this?

Should one go shopping dressed like this?

In a remembrance I just wrote of my very first week living “full-time,” I found myself recalling how happy and thrilling it was:

http://www.wattpad.com/22008442-mermaid-me-chapter-4-24-7-my-first-week-as-a-woman#.UfrAKo3I1Lc

But that’s not the whole story, I now realize.  Memories are tricky, and it’s easier not to recall the pain.

Especially painful was the ridicule I risked whenever I was caught not “passing” as a real woman.  By the time I started living “full-time,” I had enough practice — not to mention invaluable coaching from both T- and Genetic-Girl enablers! — to fool just about anybody.  But, before that, I had my share of mortifying missteps.

The worst were around children, running in packs: “Look!  It’s a man!  A man dressed up like a woman!”

Children, not yet “civilized,” say exactly what they think.  So the horrible conclusion — which, thankfully, I didn’t draw at the time — is that a lot of adults must have “read” me, too.  They were simply too polite to say or do anything but ignore me.

But now that I know I pass I never want to be ignored — and dress accordingly!

About Joy Saint James

Day job in Big Banking. Elsewhere I'm @ScholarlySlut, whose essays and erotica have appeared in various print anthologies and websites. Email: joy.st.james@hotmail.com.

2 responses to ““Passing” Pains

  1. colin kusano

    awesome as always joy to have been through so much and turned out so great wow

  2. JAMES DICKSON

    people are cruel no matter what. to you- me- and anyone that they can humiliate and ridicule. it does not matter why- they just do it. I think they do it because of low self esteem, or just plain old jealousy. I am sorry you had to experience it, but does it not help us grow and become stronger?

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