Today, boys and girls, the subject is sextoys.

My newest best friend is a Scorpion! That’s the name for the most incredibly pleasureable sextoy I’ve ever enjoyed, and only now  just discovered. It straps between my legs at the furtherest reaches of my upper thighs. Its curved tail reaches around to tickle my bottom. Its head and pinchers clasp my clit (an extra big “clit,” as you well know, given my pre-opt condition).

Then — and here’s the very best part — from the scorpion itself runs a long wire, perhaps a meter or a yard in total length. At the other end of the wire is the master control switch, which with the mere flick of a finger or thumb commands the scropion tail and pinchers to vibrate madly. Depending upon the mood of whoever’s fingers control the master switch, the vibration is set at a high, medium, or low speed.

“Designed by a woman for women!” The advertisement must be true.

My fantasy — and one that I seriously intend to act out very shortly — is to have strapped the scorpion on underneath my panties and skinny jeans when I next board an airplane. Once seated and airborne, Ill hand my traveling companion the scorpion control knob.

This will arguably give him almost as much pleasure as I — to be in control and to experience vicariously at least the kind of sextoy-induced pleasure that girls only are privilege to know. (Doing it in a public place helps, too!)

For my newest profound thought, or philosophical thesis, is that men are limited in their self-gratification to visual images, evidenced especially in porn. This makes sense, since the objects (yes, accept the fact, we girls are objects!) of men’s desire are physically separate — and thus must be seen in order to be then taken, possessed, devoured…or whatever.

For girls, on the other hand….

The precise moment when I knew what womanhood probably meant was when I closed my eyes and allowed myself to feel the need to be touched — and, most especially, filled!  That’s what happiness is!

I didn’t need to see any pictures, pornographic or otherwise, visualizing myself as a sex object. A sextoy, instead, awakened the woman within.

To be sexually excited…oh-so excited…I just needed a vibrating dildo…blessing me so: Just to close my eyes and feel the feeling…feel the filling!

And so it is now: Oh, how I love you, my scorpion!