When guys ask me (and they always at some point inevitably seem to) “what color are your panties,” I’ve decided I’ll just reply, “They’re color-coordinated with my nails, sweetie.”

What is it about panties? A lot of guys, in my experience, seem way more interested in the panties than in what the panties cover. I guess that’s what a fetish is, right?

Of course, girls like me could be said to be nothing but a fetish! Not a real woman, but simply the idea of a woman. And the clothes that enclose us are what signifies desire…and its sister on steriods, lust.

My lust, I must sheeplessly confess, is fed by the clothes (including panties) that I put on, the sexier the better. So, too, do the acts of putting on make-up or nail polish. For I am consciously making myself into an object of others’ lust.

But more: Doing your nails or doing your lashes requires total concentration (if you’re doing it right, that is). If you’re distracted or rushing, what you’re trying to perfect will ienvitably be flawed. The concentration is such — so complete, single-minded and intense — that it feels like meditation or yoga.

It’s the same feeling I get, come to think about it, when I’m focusing on giving a really good blow job. The same goes even for a truly memorable hand job. I don’t know whether the guys ever really notice, but if I’m not totally focused on what I’m doing with my mouth, lips, tongue, or fingers and hands, I’m just not that into it and get very little pleasure myself.

The one time I’ve tried doing four guys at once — using both hands and both holes — I’ll share this little secret: It’s just one guy too many! The hard cock nudging my bottom is just way too distracting. Simultaneously giving proper head and hand jobs becomes impossible!

You never see a nail technician doing two hands (or feet) at once, do you!?! I rest my case. My case for complete concentration.

Here’s an unrelated, random thought (showing I’m not concentrating on my writing right now!): In an ideal world, my ugly feet would be my only flaw.